5 months later, a whole new world and a bit to talk about.
How the summer played out.
This summer was the weirdest – and most carefree – time I’ve had in the past 31 years. It was glorious and depressing, all in one. It wasn’t until August that I started working again. And the unknowns associated with not learning that I would be back at all until a few weeks before that did not come without a good amount of stress. We ended up losing a coordinator and two directors from our team, and and 400+ others throughout our North America operation. I will always be grateful to my organization for retaining me. That said, I do have some thoughts to share on the work front and I’ll get to that in a bit (for those of you who know me well, I’m sure you’re shocked <<laughing so hard I’m crying emoji here>>).
Outside of the underlying where the eff is my life headed now tone of the summer, it was actually rather splendid. I slept in, did all of the digital workouts a girl could handle – looking at you Doni Fit Fam <3 – , cooked – er, sometimes – swam in our pool A LOT, hosted a multitude of parties – yes Phil they were all outdoors and under 25 people – visited The Cornerstone in Hillsdale for a weekly face stuffing of waffle fries and wine, helped the organization I volunteer with, TRUE Mentors- solid cause, def look them up – figure out a marketing communication cadence and raise $10K+, and saw my parents and brother even more than I ate and swam. By late July, I felt rejuvenated and thoroughly ready for something to focus on besides whether to open another red or another white.
Effing work, man.
Enter my 9-5 back into my life. At first it was so quiet I thought they kept me by mistake. But things picked up a bit and as should have been expected, my role was just as clear as mud as I had left it and my questioning of that only made it more confusing. “Yes, you are working on 2 categories but I’m not sure it makes sense to divide by categories anymore so maybe you should work on product marketing entirely except for these categories, but also there’s packaging – can you just jump on packaging for a week since the person who is in charge of that resigned two weeks ago and I don’t really have a plan and actually no, now my coordinator can’t handle her workload so she’s going to unload some of her less desirable projects on you – it’s all fine right? We are all fine. You are heard. You matter. You are a unicorn. Thank you for being you. #CareBearPower.” By the way, my question was “in this role, what should I be focusing on at this point.” But I should have known based on the answer I’ve been given previously, that our role is to “connect the dots and move projects forward”. Arguably the one of the goals for almost every manager in the global organization but I guess it’s a good answer when placating the curious. The strategy, tactics and action items to get us there? I’m not even hopeful that we will ever know.
So here we go. Folks, INEXPERIENCED ZOMBIE CHILDREN RUN CORPORATE AMERICA. And so I’m going to make my advice to you very clear. Literally, run. Take your $$$ and your 🍑, and get the eff out of corporate America. Don’t pass go, don’t collect $200. Just get out. Those of you who were brought up to value adult non-emotional reasoning, thinking and planning in the business world spare yourselves the traumatic and exhausting journey of realizing for yourself that this no longer exists and just GET OUT NOW.
I live in the tri-state area. In fact, I am currently in the process of pseudo-buying my grandparents’ old house so duh, I can’t go anywhere. And I need the $ for the house and I don’t really invest, and so as long as I don’t have a nervous breakdown from dissonance or find something else foreign – more on that later – I’m here and I’m in the thick of it. But I feel it’s my responsibility to tell you that I don’t see this getting better.
Enter my old job, in new form, back into my life. I’m a believer in the Universe and Law-of-Attraction. I’ve read more Abraham Hicks and Rhonda Bern materials than I can count. I do Gabby Bernstein meditations daily. I am a fan of Wayne Dyer’s and Deepak Chopra’s work. But I have to say that even myself – when I see the universe work as quickly as it can sometimes – I stand in awe of it. About two weeks ago I was having some less than pleasant thoughts about my current work situation – I’m sure you can’t imagine why – and as I started a lunchtime workout – #WorkFromHomeLife – I found my mind wondering back to an old colleague who I used to work very closely with right before moving to my current company. I wondered how she was, and if she’d ever even thought about me after I left. At the end I had actually been in talks with her and her manager about a role on their team that I desperately wanted. In fact, had that worked out I never would have left the organization as it was pretty much the reason I started working at that organization in the first place. I wondered – dreamed really – how things would have been different for me had that position worked out, but then I quickly concluded that she probably forgot about me – after-all, she was always entrenched in work and while our partnership was strong it was transient with the nature of the projects we worked on together. Any-who, I finished my workout and returned to the glories of whatever TF I was doing that day and around 4pm I received a text, “Sasha! Remember me!!??” Holy effing moly.
A way out! And not just any way out, she presented me with literally the way out I’ve been seeking for the past six years. I had given up on it last year after everything fell through – eagerly looking to make the best of what I then saw as an opportunity to be a leader in a field I was confident – ahem excellent – in – but #CorporateAmerica <<Insert the laugh til you cry emoji again here>>. “YES, TAKE IT!,” you say. Ha. But as with everything in life this comes with a catch – I’d have to apply for it and go through the formal interview process – F.M.L.
A little side-note about me – I’m an introverted soul. While I am not one to hide behind a rock – I’m fully confident in being the center of attention when I know what the eff I’m talking about – I am also not one to fake confidence and security. Further, I’m awful at small talk. I don’t think there’s anything to say about the weather unless you are thanking God for it, which for obvious reasons doesn’t need to come up in a conversation with your future manager. I’m also an over thinker – and often my overthinking smacks right into my introverted self yielding all sorts of gibberish and usually hurting way more than helping. So I avoid preparation. Kids, this is stupid AF. This is not a successful strategy. I do not recommend it. Preparation is key to success. But for the sake of my mental and emotional well-being – which lately seems to be hanging by a thread due to my current work situation – I chose to sit the interview preparation segment of this one out.
I can’t say it went poorly – in fact, I haven’t heard a single peep from my potential future manager since we clicked the X on our video chat on Wednesday – but as they say sometimes silence speaks volumes. I’m trying not to see it that way. I thought the outcome of our conversations seemed good enough – albeit not great, I suppose. But to go from texting and emailing me every day to completely dark just seems odd. But it’s 2020, where both dreams and nightmares alike seem to come true so I guess, as with everything else, I guess we shall see.
Oh, have I mentioned that I’ve been on the Whole30 since mid-September? Day 30 is Thursday, followed by a 6 hour ride to Pittsburg – so keep an eye out for all of my thoughts and my crazy town results next weekend – LOL I know what you’re thinking but with 2 six hour rides and a weekend in Pittsburg I’m giving myself the benefit of the doubt. And hopefully I’ll have an update on the work front too.